Today I was leaving the office when someone stopped me and asked, “are you still talking to your ex?” as if that was a way to begin the new year. Thinking about the past. But as confident and happy as I feel about the split, and my future, I politely told him no and left it at that. He continued to ask a few more questions before telling me, “just remember actions always speak louder than words.” which of course made his interest in my personal life a little more appreciated and less invasive. Actions speak louder than words is a token expression I’ve heard for years but haven’t given much thought to.
As I drove home I thought about our actions. How many times I’ve victimized myself believing people were who they said they were when their actions clearly indicated otherwise. The way I trust too soon and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. It got me to thinking I don’t want to lose faith in everyone because of a few select people who disappointed me, but I am more aware now than ever of who deserves my actions. When it comes to your heart you have to protect yourself.
I don’t believe most people are malicious and out to hurt anyone. I just think we are selfish individuals. We want what’s best for us. So that should also mean the company we keep should be the best. That goes deeper than romantic relationships. It goes for family, friends, and business. Our relationships are a reflection of ourselves and we deserve the best people in our lives. But for the sake of this article let’s focus on romantic relationships. The way to define “best” is putting a value on what you are willing to do for someone else. Whether that’s driving to the airport to pick them up in rush hour traffic, cancelling a trip to be there for a non-emergency emergency, moving for their job, or anything that is making a sacrifice for someone else. It’s identifying how far you are willing to go to show someone you care.
Small actions are just as important. Replying to a simple text timely is an example. It’s all of the things you do that lets someone know you care. If someone goes hours even days between returning a call or text but jumps at making plans with their best friend that’s not making an action or an effort. Of course we all need boundaries set in place to give us space and set the tone of a relationship, but we also need to know our loved ones have our back. Put out what you want to receive. If you are not receiving the same “value” — it’s time to say goodbye. You are not severing loses, you are protecting yourself from a life of wasted time with things that are not serving you and your happiness. How long do you want to be invested in easy words that you can’t feel?
Happiness is not that hard to obtain but can be difficult to maintain. Mostly because we look outward to satisfy ourselves instead of inward. When someone disappoints us we get hurt because we rely on them to make us happy. We trust their words so when they become misleading we are vulnerable. Don’t give away your power for someone to get close to you too soon. Make yourself happy. Everyone should earn your intimacy the same way they earn your respect. The test is not someone saying they have fallen for you. The test is someone being there to make sure you do not fall.
In matters of love take a full analysis of the situation before you allow someone in. If there are flying red flags from the beginning or at any point it’s not going to work. You know when things don’t feel right. Trust your intuition and don’t make excuses for them. Always remember actions do speak louder than words. Don’t settle for mediocrity in love or life.
When you love yourself enough to say no to the things that are not bringing you joy and the things that are consuming your mind with worry, you are able to make room for things that work seamlessly. Acknowledge actions that provide fulfillment and drowned out the static noise. The scariest thing in the world is living a full life filled with empty promises and having to start over-and-over because you didn’t trust your own actions.