Is Masturbation As Pleasurable As Sex?

 

Is Masturbation As Pleasurable As Sex?
Ph: VICE | SLUTEVER

It’s by no accident that the minute I started writing about relationships the cat’s out of the bag — The pussy that is. Slightly a bit nervous what I would talk about so I googled a variety of different topics to see what hit close to home. As nature, or what I now understand as my vulva (Thanks, Goop!) would have it, I found an overtly promiscuous sex columnist who has a show called Slutever on Vice, and The Goop Lab on Netflix. The episode I tuned into was the second episode talking about being comfortable with yourself and knowing what pleasures you so you can enjoy masturbation and sex. 

I’m not going to lie I dozed off during the first episode and magically woke up to this one. Sounds a bit right for my idea of watching reality TV. It was like the sex Gods were sending me a personal message, that I’m now awkwardly delivering to you. Sex can be a bit taboo, and culturally not acceptable to talk about, so a lot of people like myself have shied away from talking about it — until now. However, it’s necessary to understand yourself to arouse yourself. Because let’s face it, some of us are not getting action regularly unless you are watching Sex Education on Netflix. Common streaming theme: Dating and sex?

 

Opening up so candidly reminds me of a time I was at Coffee Bean 15 years ago (before I knew good coffee), and a group of friends and I were talking about sex,  (Is that the name of my new Podcast — Coffee and Sex?). I used the word “Fuck” when describing sex and my buddy scolded me, “Monika, people can hear you!” as if I needed to prove to the random strangers who clearly were unemployed having coffee in the middle of the afternoon also that I was felicitous. That’s when I learned being myself and speaking up is better than being anyone else.

I was a late bloomer. Twenty-four to be exact. Even my mom wondered what I was waiting for. Back then we could argue Jonathan Taylor Thomas but now definitely Cillian Murphy. It took a few rodeos with four different long-term cowboys to know what I liked. And once I knew what I liked, it wasn’t that easy to talk about, or demonstrate it. It took even longer to understand why phone sex? Now I’m a damn pro and I give credit to my exes, (all four of them) — especially the one I walked into the bedroom on, that was doggy style, ass up, naked on the bed who asked me straight out for something I didn’t know men liked. Kudos to him for having such confidence, and knowing what he liked. Sorry mom if you’re reading this. 

That ex, and all of my very comfortable girlfriends, who think women should share everything, including the bathroom at the same time, have made me comfortable with myself. They have opened me up to knowing myself the way I want to know myself, and knowing them a bit more intimately, too. But not enough to dissect my vagina with a light and magnified mirror like this particular episode of The Goop Lab.

There is nothing shameful about liking your body, and understanding it though. That openness will increase your pleasure with your partners and give you the most intimate experience. It can also help you climax on your own.

By now anyone watching porn who thinks pounding someone until they are red in the face, and screaming, is real has been eating breadcrumbs from all of their exes who faked orgasms. We aren’t helping anyone including ourselves by being dishonest. Sex is healthy and so is having a real orgasm. One of the takeaways from this episode of The Goop Lab was how we all deserve to be pleased and need to acknowledge what we want. We don’t need to feel bad about our bodies or shame one another for the way we look or what we get off on. 

If Betty Dodson, the fascinating 90-year-old sex educator can still be having healthy sex, with herself and partners, and look that good, you know somethings working. The show is heavily wellness focused which is controversial for some people — especially those not in LALA land, but for me I ate up every bit of their “The Pleasure is Ours.”  Orgasms are healthy. They relieve stress, help you sleep at night, and give you that beauty glow  –cheap way to look great naturally. The goal is to get to the point in life where you’re comfortable enough with yourself to get off alone, and enjoy it so you can reach that place with your partners. Perhaps that is the true definition of self-love.

 

monikafreeman

is the CEO of www.monikafreeman.com. She also works as a Creative Director, Writer, Brand Strategist and Fashion Editor.

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