We dive into deep conversations about love and the pain it brings us, but rarely relish in all its joy and live there. I find myself guilty of this too from time to time. When love comes on strong then backs away. When it’s been hours, sometimes even days, without a call or a text from someone we care about. We obsess and overanalyze what we did wrong as things happen out of our control. When in fact we have done nothing but lose patience in the process.
One of the things that used to bother me more than anything is when a complete stranger would ask me to let them in. To allow them to get close to me before I was ready to open up to them. I’m not sure if it was fear of allowing someone to know me because I wear my heart on my sleeve, but there was something that stopped me from giving it all away too soon. A millennial type would call me prudish or jaded. I’ve never had a casual fling or enjoyed being intimate with just anyone. And still I longed for dying romance and dreaded the process it took to find it. Which made patience a pain in the ass virtue.
The longer I was patience though the more I became aware greatness comes slowly. When you rush things you force an inorganic connection. Rather than allowing things to fall as they will. Someone once told me “we don’t trip in love, we fall in love” and that’s how real love happens. You don’t come crashing down into companionship and easy love, you slowly “move downward, typically rapidly and freely without control.” As Merriam-Webster says. I love that: Freely without control… Which is exactly what patience in love is. It’s falling without control. Giving up your power and allowing patience to guide you.
Love or falling in love requires different types of patience. It takes conscious mindfulness and trusting yourself. Our hearts know when something doesn’t feel right. I talk about this often because most of us are aware of our intuitions. We know our intentions so we know when someone else’s don’t lineup with ours. It doesn’t make anyone right or wrong it just means that you two together are lacking a key component of a healthy relationship. Without a full healthy scope of love you will continue to lose patience trying to mold someone into your idea of something ideal. Which just proves love must be patient, and that my old school modern woman ways have mastered this theory for centuries.
In the beginning stages you can avoid frustration by simply doing two things. First, stop asking everyone in your life for their opinion about your life. Second, trust what’s in your heart. How is that making you feel? The more you come to understand your awareness the more you can be patience with people and give and receive the love you deserve. If you are constantly waiting for someone to give or show you love and you are doing the same thing by withholding it from someone else, then you are both going to continue pushing each other away.
Our friends and loved ones want what’s best for us. However, they don’t know us like we know ourselves. And definitely not like someone who has or will ever be inside of us. They don’t know the way we need to be cared for, how we cuddle, or what wakes us in the middle of the night. What turns us on passionately or the way we taste. They don’t know the level of sacrifices we are willing to make for love so why are we allowing them to tell us to throw in the towel and stop being patient with the lovers we choose? If we want real intimacy then we have to remove our third party from the equation. Most of us are truly selfish lovers who don’t want to share our partners so why are we creating threesomes?
I think there is something to be said about relationships that take time. Sharing a healthy level of patience getting to know one another. Since the more acceptable and less traditional way to date today is via dating apps there is nothing sexier than a first call. A long hello. Potentially several more leading up to the days of the first meeting. A call is a great way to get to know a little about a person. It’s a slow build up. Then a meeting, a first kiss, a shared moment, et cetera. Had you asked me before I met my newly perfect stranger how I felt about patience I would say dive in head first, but now I see only fools rush in. Once you are all in there’s little left to imagine. Little to discover. Little mystery.
Now I embrace the idea of taking things slow. Really discovering one another before giving it away too soon. Respecting boundaries and another’s place to give and receive love. Love is the one language that is universal and somehow we still keep trying to define it. But it’s simple: Love is patient. It’s accepting someone’s timing. It’s making room for changes. Love is devotion to nurturing the foundation you want to build. It’s planting a seed to grow a rosebush. It’s abandoning your idealistic views of love to meet realties pleasure with patience.