Okay, I am not a psychologist but if my dating resume or group of friends who call me for relationship advice daily gives me any creditability, I’m taking a swing at answering your questions. That said, with Mercury in retrograde everyone seems to be making up or breaking up. Just yesterday my horoscope told me I was likely to be divorced, or in a relationship by months end. HA! Jokes aside because that’s clearly not possible. If an astrologer can be paid to talk about relationships I’m qualified to give you my opinion. So what does it mean when they act interested in you and then disappear?
It means you dodged a bullet. Seriously, thank them if this happened within the first one to three months. Can you imagine spending years with someone and then one day having them walk out on you? The truth is we don’t have to explain our why. No one owes us anything. Now I know some of you are losing your shit right now and already over my post, but the problem is we give our power away when we obsess over the why and try to diagnose someone else. Assuming this is not a classic case of narcissism, people typically do things to protect themselves in vulnerable situations. It can be a combination of several things: Timing, exe’s, finances, compatibility, competition, temptation, insufficiencies, insecurities, boredom, triggers, etc…. The list goes on — and on. Stop giving someone your vulnerability; they made their decision and it wasn’t you.
If someone is “just not that into us” sure it would be nice to have closure and an explanation, but will we ever know why Eve ate the forbidden fruit? Or why women suffer menstrual cycles, child barring and are overly emotional at times? Then why search for answers from someone who doesn’t either have them or want to give them? The more time we give to what’s not working the less time we have for what is. It’s just that simple. The fact is whether we want to believe it or not we have all been that person to someone. It sucks. Life is real and there are a billion other people to chase after. To fall for. Move on.
Yes that’s harsh and I say it with love from a broken heart, too. If someone is not showing up for you and giving you the love you deserve then they don’t deserve your love, pain, time or effort. We have limited time on planet Earth and we are wasting it on things that don’t work. I am not suggesting to follow the lead of the person who hurt you and treat others cruelly. I maintain my stance that honesty and transparency are always the best policy. If you don’t have that in a relationship its time to reevaluate the people you’re spending time with. Your time is valuable and the right person will add to your days and your time not take away from them.
I believe its the common case of wanting what we can’t have. I have black but I want white. I have John’s attention but I want Steve to call. Why complicate it? If it’s not working don’t justify reasons to stay. If it is working don’t add pressure out of fear. Things will work exactly as they should when you stop trying to control the outcome. Does everything need an explanation? It’s not brain surgery it’s your heart: Stop giving it away so easily. Also be honest with yourself if the person you were dating was giving subtle indications that they wanted to cool things down. Sometimes we want to create our own narrative and believe the story we have created in our minds. It was perfect. They were great. What about the things we vented to our friends about?
Your life is fragile and no one deserves the chance to make your decisions for you. While you’re destroyed over the person who left you don’t forget you didn’t leave them and that stands for something. It stands for you deserving to be with someone who chooses you. Who doesn’t leave you. Who stays for YOU. So take this moment to relish in my brutal truth, cry if you need, and then remind yourself what you deserve. You deserve to be with someone who is going to love you the way you love yourself. There is an exception to every rule, but in matters of love always take care of #1.