When Did We Stop Dating?


When Did We Stop Dating

Single men this is for you in support of all the single women who don’t speak up. Newly single I’ve found myself back in the dating world. Although it lasted two dates, ten calls and too many texts, I am happily choosing to stay single. There is nothing sexy or appealing about the Los Angeles dating pool over the age of 35. I’m not jaded but the men I attract are narcissist, trust fund guys, or simply entitled in different ways. If you just got here, welcome to Hell. 

I’m sure there is a good explanation for the behavior I have encountered because everyone has a past, but when did we stop dating? Courting? Romancing? Is this what they call adulting? I recently saw a male friend on Facebook ask others opinions of what a first date should be? Coffee? Dinner? Explaining that as a man it’s expensive to date different women to find someone to settle down with. My heart goes out to men for the number of first dates you go on just to be rejected, or told the “I’m newly out of a relationship and just not ready” line. Which is why I firmly think it should always be coffee or tea first. Take the car for a test drive before you buy it. But, on the flip side of that what gives a man the right to expect sex on a first, second, or any date just because he paid and/or showed up? Imagine if we slept with every guy that came through? Seriously? You’re not the first guy we’ve ever been attracted to. Get to know us first. The worst thing for a woman is giving herself to someone and it going nowhere. But if you can live with yourself… to each their own — just don’t call me

 

 
 
 
 
 
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My most recent date was aggressive. A man with too much money to spend offering me a lot on the first date. As desirable as other characteristics he possessed were let me clarify one thing: A woman wants to know you are financially secure so money doesn’t ruin the relationship and you can build a future together. Not so you can parade your status and buy her affection. We all crave companionship, communication and love so why would you turn up the money factor instead of the charm? There’s nothing less attractive than a man with everything and deeply insecure. That’s how I view a man throwing money around. If you want to be seen try being heard from the inside.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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While I’m on a rant lets also talk expectations of one another. Earn your place before we start mixing secrets and have intentions. I’ve experienced, on more than one occasion, men who simply believe a woman should drop everything and go running to them every time they call. In my last relationship, and the most recent guy I had two dates with, they expected a woman to come to their every need. The problem is this is a two-way street. And let’s get one thing clear I am old school. Chivalry is not dead and nor should your effort to date me be. If you can’t meet me halfway this isn’t going to work. And honestly, if you can’t come the entire way on a first date — BYE.

Let’s be clear: Women don’t have trust issues, or intimacy issues. We have “I’ve seen this behavior before and I’ll be damed if I do it again” issues. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. It means try harder to understand her and where she is coming from. Almost always we as women are willing to sacrifice ourselves for you when we barely know you. A common mistake and flaw of women but a genuine truth. Our world stops for love and we base life decisions like “where are we going to live?” and “will we have kids?” on our partners. We need to feel safe. If I don’t feel safe with you as strangers I am never going to allow you inside (figuratively and literally). No matter how much time has passed I need to know I can trust you.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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The absence of dating has created a game. We complain we want quality but continue searching for quantity. Women are equally to blame. I speak openly about how men can benefit from a few tweaks in their dating techniques because I’m open to receiving  the same. However, I more than work at making sure I do right by everyone on a first date or long-term love. If you are serious about seeking a commitment you have to be open to trying more of what’s working and less stuck in your own ways on what’s not working. If I can encourage you to try anything moving into the new year it’s to please be a gentleman and respect the women like myself who are still ladies. There aren’t enough courageous men in the dating world anymore with all the wounded soldiers, but there are still a few diamonds in the rough waiting to be found.

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monikafreeman

is the CEO of www.monikafreeman.com. She also works as a Creative Director, Writer, Brand Strategist and Fashion Editor.

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